I didn't blog yesterday because I had an awful day. The kind of day that is so awful you don't want to talk about it. So, I'm not going to. BUT, I'm okay now. And by okay I mean not absolutely miserable. SO, God is good. :)
Anyways....today's the day....I get to tell you "The Doozy"!! I told my entire school yesterday so, now I can tell you all.
Well...I am coming home in two weeks.
Now, half of you are probably thinking, "Why is that weird? We didn't think you were going to live in Australia..." And the other half is maybe freaking out because they realize that I'm actually supposed to be going to Tahiti and Vanuatu in two weeks. Well, to the first half, let me say...do you read my blogs? And to the second half, calm down, breath, and read.
Now, let me explain:
Well, actually I can't really explain....let me explain my lack of explanation:
About 2 and a half weeks ago God told me to come home after lecture phase was over. Now, my heart's desire is to take you all through the entire story with all of the reasons, details, and explanations but, I can't. I was planning on doing that for a while and then I really felt God tell me to just say it and leave it at that. Because, my desire to tell you all the whole story is so that I can get people's approval. I want to make sure that everyone's okay with me going home, and everyone knows I'm not doing it for the wrong reasons, and I basically want all of the loose ends tied up neatly before I leave...but, I'm not doing this to please man but to fulfill God's will in my life.
What makes all of this even harder for me is that LaChelle is going home as well. And of course, that looks terrible to the whole school. But, again, I'm not going home only if I get other people's acceptance and approval, I'm going home because I truly believe it's what God's will for me is.
Now, a few people have asked me already, "Why would God take you all the way out to Australia, all the way to this base, tell you to come to THIS DTS for soooo long and then want you to go home early...that just doesn't make sense." Well, I think it actually does. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God wanted me here at this school, with these specific people, in this city, at this specific time of my life; but, He just doesn't want me to go on outreach at this time.
Even though I can't tell you any details of why I'm going home or how I came to that decision I can assure you that I'm not leaving with ANY ill feelings towards YWAM. I still consider myself a "YWAM-er" and I seriously support the missions work they're doing around the world. And I encourage anyone thinking of doing a DTS to continue to pray about it, it's definitely changed my life and I really think it will change yours as well.
That's another thing - I feel completely satisfied with leaving at this point in time because I know I am not the same person that left Dallas Texas two and a half months ago. My life will never ever ever be the same after this, even if I go back to the same "ordinary" life that I left...it will be extraordinary because of the worldview, mindset, and relationship that I'm coming home with. God has helped accomplish every single goal that I had coming into this DTS and even some that I never thought of: I've seen a miracle, I've fallen in love with God, I've seen him in the good and the bad and actually realized that He will never leave me nor forsake me, I've witnessed that there's nothing I can do to make him love me more OR less, I've built a FIRM foundation on God so that even if everyone around me leaves I will not crumble because of who I'm built upon. And, He's still doing a lot in my life and I think I'll change even more in these next two weeks AND after I get home, too!
It was SO incredibly hard to tell my whole school; One, because I didn't give them any reasons either, and two because I seriously love all of them. I came here wanting one best friend, and honestly thinking that's all I would really get. For some reason, all my life I've only ever had one or two friends that I always hang out with and then a bunch of acquaintances that I would see about once a week. And, to be quite honest I didn't think it would be possible to have more than one good friend because I thought I'd get annoyed with them and drained...But, God has blown me away!! He's not only provided me with life-long friends (for real, that's not just a girly emotional thing...I will seriously keep in touch with so many of my classmates) but he has grown my CAPACITY for friendship!! I know that when I get home I'll be able to invest equally in a bunch of different friendships without getting tired or worn out, I'll actually get renewed with such deep and meaningful friendships!
As sad as it is that I'll be leaving my family here so early, I am incredibly excited with what God is going to do in my life when I get home. He's actually going to start almost as soon as I touch down! I fly in on Wednesday the 17th to DFW and then early Friday morning on the 19th I fly into Hartford Connecticut to attend Women of Faith with my mom! And then I fly back to DFW on Sunday the 21st and have thanksgiving with my family! Seriously, I'm not even going to have time to be jet-lagged!
I've been so excited to tell you all my news for so long and I've finally gotten to!!!
Please continue to pray for me as I go throughout my last two weeks in Australia as well as for the rest of my DTS as they prepare to go on outreach!
I love you all! And, I'll write again tomorrow!